Chuck Norris doesn't need a hardware wallet; his sheer presence encrypts the blockchain.

Chuck Norris doesn't trade altcoins; altcoins trade themselves when they hear he's interested.

Chuck Norris doesn't fear a bear market; bears fear a Chuck market.

Chuck Norris doesn't use decentralized exchanges; he just stares at his crypto until it exchanges itself.

Chuck Norris's seed phrase is just the word "Chuck" repeated 24 times.

Chuck Norris once mined a Bitcoin by staring at his computer screen – it just didn't have the heart to say no.

Chuck Norris's password is so secure, even he can't remember it.

Chuck Norris's ICO raised funds before he even thought about launching one.

Chuck Norris's Wi-Fi connection is so fast; it reached the moon before Elon Musk's rocket.

Chuck Norris's crypto portfolio doesn't need rebalancing; it balances itself out of respect.